Lagos: The City of Chaotic Order

(Music plays in bus stereo)
Awa govament bad o
Dem no wan give ghetto man jab o
My God o
If ghetto man no get work, my brother how we go take survive
Driver lowa dis ya music abeg (driver obliges and turns knob a little)
Hello, good afternoon, hello, hello (call terminates)
Dis hempty-n pipu sef, since morning their network no just dey go
 Hello, Hello. Good moning
Yes, this is Dabid Makus, who is this?
Ha, Mr. Kinleji Vankole, my patna in crime, na you be dis, how body?
How dem madams dem? (chuckles)
Jesus! Who you tuk say die? Who, your wife? How manage?
Oh my God, accident? Oh my God. Sorry o.
When? Where? How manage?
(Complete silence in the bus, driver turns radio off completely)
Eiwoh, for where? Benin-Ore Road? Oh my God
Your pikin nkon…Oh, my God, Dotun die too? Oh my God
Doe, sorry, it is well, God is in control, the Lord knows best, it is well enh
Oh my God!  Dis ember months don start again o. Na God go help all of us. In all things give thanks my broda
So wetin go happen now, what’s the next step, burial? (Facial expression stiffens at response)
Ooo-k-a-yy, money. Like how much?
Kai Oga Kinleji, things no too straight right now
Na very wrong time in the year be dis but I will see what I can do, you hear
You are welcome. Take care. (Conversation ends)
Mschew (shakes head). Wonders shall never cease.
See dis life so. Na true say no condition is permanent.
Una see dis man whey call me so, im broda na big man for Abuja before
Govament give im broda contract of 7 billion for dis same Benin-Ore road.
Dem chop the money, dem pour coal tar abandon the road come chop the money
Dem no even fit talk say, Dabid, take dis small thing hold body
(Cement! conductor screams, owa o, a passenger responds)
EFCC cash dem, govament revoke the contract, now life don change for the man
E wan come borrow money from me.  Nonsense!
Oga you for talk say na because dem no show you face, na im you dey vex
Oh no, not at all, that’s not my point. What about the other pipu wey perish for the accident
I dey vex becos that money wey dem chop cause the accident. That’s na wein dey vex me

Oga as you dey talk no good. When person die, we suppose show compassion now

As those pipu perish for express so, e fit be anybody family member for accident next time. We no even get compassion again.
E show say our own don finish for dis country so? As anybody fit die at anytime.
Na your own finish o, I reject it in Jesus name. I cover my family with the blood of Jesus
Madam I follow you talk? Which one be the one wey you dey reject in Jesus name?
(Laughter in bus)
No be only roads for dis country kpafuka
Everything don spoil. No light, no water, no security.  
We dey get light one hour every day before and now the transformer blow this morning
Ah your own better now, for my area now for Ketu, we never get light for tere months.
Everything wey President Lucky tuk say e go do, e never do one. Not even one. Very tereble
No be all of una dey shat South-South dat year,
Na lie o, me na that Pastor I vote for
Me na the Alhaji I vote for
I had no shoes; I had no shoes, who get shoe wen im small
Me wey trek from Sakponba road for Benin take reach Ekenwan go school and I still carry first.
Oga I know Benin well well o, and na ashawo girls full that place wey you just call, you sure say na school you go so?
(More laughter in bus)
Anyway, no be one day dem take build Rome, abi no be so dem dey talk am
Yes o , my brother you are right. To the point say, pipu don dey sue  govament for court
Una no see Baba Suwe, e don hammer now. 25 million naira, just like that
O boy ye, that man don hammer no be small
Dem tuk say e use jass take hide the cocaine

Kai, Nigerians, how person go hide cocaine for tere weeks! impossicant

E-pa forget that thing sa, na Ijebu man o, their otumopko get as e be.
(Ogun toh bad gan, conductor interjects with a smile
Babalawo gidi loló ba)

(Driver puts radio back on,)
Molowo molowo noni
Mo nawo mo nawo noni ah ah
Baba God noni ah ah
And now I got more money
Noni, I thank God for me
Noni, and they call me Whizzy
Mo dupe lowo Olorun noni
Aye mo wale sugbon mo njaye jeje
I no send no body
Driver abeg stop now. I forget something at Ikeja bus stop. 
Mo le du ro o. lai lai. Iyana-Ipaja le ma bole
Driver stop for the man now, at least LASTMA no dey dis side (a passenger from behind pleads).
(Bus driver stops grudgingly, Dabid Makus and two male passengers from behind alight. Bus continues to Iyana-Ipaja)

Iceprince, lets go, Samklef, what it do, Iceprince
Listen, Noni, Why these girls bleeding on me
Why are they pouring the evil spirits on me
Am still upcoming but am getting money
And next year my star is gonna be sunny
I don’t play the piano but am always on key
Driver abeg stop, I no see my phone again!
My Wallet is gone!
Stop this moto now, person don tif my purse…
To Be Continued…
©2011 Otaigbe Itua Ewoigbokhan
NB: The characters used in this piece are fictional and semblance to real persons is entirely coincidental.


  1. chets says:

    waiiting for Part 3. Keep it up. Love the piece….. And he keeps gettinng better……

  2. cycatrx says:

    This is grande hilarious…… I'm definately waitin for part 3……I like this…..

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